Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Sunday, September 25, 2005

wow...

where the heck would you store this?? i want to climb it.

pb

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Before it starts, before I begin?

oh how soon things just fall back into place ...

skye and i spent a whole day last week at the hospital repairing her crooked nose. the waiting took forever because the surgery wasn't scheduled, but the actual surgery was fairly quick.

and.. no black eyes, no swelling. what a relief.

she no longer has pain her black eyes are gone.. and all the swelling is going. quite amazing really.

her nose is still a little crooked. any further surgery will require an incision - but we'll see again in 3 months or so.

i'm sick. my throat is really sore. i missed hockey again last night. 4th week in a row. ugh.

sama just finished her chem exam. she said it was really hard but i'm sure she did well. she always does.

i woke up this morning and watched "Becoming.." on much. backstreet boys. isn't that funny. i don't think i've ever seen a backstreet boy video and sat and watched the "becoming.." version. i must be sick.

pb

Monday, June 13, 2005

All these things that i've done

A few weekends ago, i worked my second of two apprentice teaching weekends. What does that mean? Apprentice weekends are pay-free teaching weekends. I got scammed into this one. I was originally signed up for a “regular” weekend but prior commitments for the in class on Wednesday allowed me to be available to teach an “all women weekend”.

Unpaid. No wonder the other instructors made fun of me for agreeing to take the all women weekend … Now
I know why… LOL

Don’t get me wrong. I had a tonne of fun – and would gladly do another women's weekend.

My first apprentice weekend was wet and miserable. I don't think it stopped raining once. So, I was thrilled to see 60% chance of rain for the women's weekend. the overcast clouds allowed the sun to hide for most of the day. we lucked out and didn't feel a drop of rain except for a little spitting at the very end of the day.

In the late morning the sun decided to poke out from behind some clouds for about an hour. Once again i was caught off guard slapped with another sunburn. OUCH.

The women’s weekend - wow.. you really need patience for this one – definitely a good one to have under my belt. i can't tell you that i have a lot of patience nor can i even begin to say how much of it i do possess. Before this weekend i would have guessed that i would have a lot less patience. Our saving grace was that there was six of us to take turns coddling and dealing with the tears.

Riding a motorcycle has always been pretty easy for me and when something comes so naturally for me it's hard to understand why it doesn’t connect with someone else. now, having taught a few weekends, I’ve realized that some people are just not cut out to be on two wheels. Just like T will never go near any type of pet now matter how much you emphasize that it won’t hurt her and isn’t coming after her - some
people will never realize that the brake is there in case you do give too much throttle and others will be confident that the brake is there… but just forget
to use it…

i just finished my 4th weekend this past weekend. sunburned again but that's not new. sunscreen doesn't help that much...

What have I learned during these teaching weekends??

I’ve learned to jump – far and quickly out of the way. Really not a hard lesson to learn when you have a 300lb motorized vehicle heading in your direction.

I know now that it’s harder to push a motorcycle up a ramp backwards than it is to pick up one that is lying on its side.

Some people look like they can ride.. but can't... some people look like they can't ride... but can..

I’m still a little reluctant to speak in front of people .. ok.. a lot reluctant ... that "i'm going to vomit" feeling only appears right before i have to teach a lesson not all day anymore.... …

but as with all things, in time, that too will go away.... i hope.

pb

Thursday, May 26, 2005

don't let it get away...

YAY!! Skye was voted valedictorian for her graduating class!! That was the good news from yesterday....

it was however preceeded by this....

up until yesterday i had never seen a broken nose. i've seen them after they've healed and i've seen them on TV.. but never in real life just after it happens.

skye broke her nose yesterday. this btw, is her second baseball injury. last year at around the same time she came home with a black and blue finger, after running into her friend. after sitting in emergency for 8 or so hours, the doctor confirmed it. broken.

yesterday, was a little more dramatic. when i usually get a call from her school, it's usually skye or the receptionist saying that she's not feeling well and wants to go home. however, when it's her teacher calling ... i know something is wrong. yes.. that dreaded call. "hi pb, this is mr. c". my heart stopped. something happened to skye. it's like that old adage "no news is good news"... it's never good news when the teacher calls. "skye got hurt playing baseball." "again???" i asked. "yeah... she caught a pop fly with her nose." i thought, what?? her nose??? where was that glove she made me go with her to get the other night at 11pm. why didn't she use the glove? after a few minutes of evaluating if she had to go to emergency or not, i decided to take her anyway.

thank goodness skye was in good spirits and laughing in the background when he called. my heart was pounding and i was already in a panic when i heard mr. c's voice. when i finally got to her school to pick her up, she was still pretty happy. but ... the blood.. so much blood (i'm so glad i didn't see the pool she so vividly described to me) and ohhhh.. the swelling ... i can't even begin to describe the swelling. i still can't look at her without my eyes tearing up.

4 hours in the emergency room, 2 minutes with the doctor. again, broken. this time, no splint, nothing. too much swelling and too much blood at the time. ugh.

so we agreed. no more baseball for a while and if she does want to play baseball, i certainly won't mind investing in a full caged helmet for her.

pb

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

If you never tried, then you'll never know...

I have this love – hate relationship with the game of golf. What’s there not to love?? A few hours of frolicking in the sun with 3 friends that you love hanging with, good exercise when we don’t rent a cart and when we do… it’s even more fun driving the golf cart around. After 9 or 18 holes, I’m nicely sun-kissed and got a few good shots out, had tonnes of fun …

I love golfing.

Who am I kidding? Yes it’s sunny … but honestly, the sun has never kissed me, it beats the crap out of me with a big fat burn on my head shoulders and neck… hurts to move, hurts to lie down, hurts to shower. Yes, I have heard about sunscreen.

A few good shots. Let me define this. We were at a par 5 course. Thank god we only played 9 holes. I doubled par almost every hole – ok… EVERY hole except for one which was a par 2 or 3 and I got a true 4. Sometimes it took me 6 strokes before I even got anywhere near mb or paul’s drive off the tee. So out of something like 70 – 100 shots (not swings.. I don’t count it when I swing and miss the ball completely, even though I should) I may have had 10 good shots. WOW - a whopping 10-15% of my shots are relatively good? LOL.

I keep on forgetting, but I usually only last for about 8 or 9 holes before I get bored on a par 3 course. Sunday’s game was par 5. I was done after hole 3. There was a water hazard at every hole – so it seemed. I know I can’t make it over some of the water hazards so most of the time I just took the drop on the other side.

Mb got negative yardage on one swing – a feat I only thought yves was capable of. His ball hit a tree and rebounded about 15-20 feet behind him. He also looked for a MIA ball behind a couple trees at one point only to find that will’s drive off the tee found its way through all the trees to his head. Luckily his oakley’s were on his head and took the brunt of the impact. We’ll have to shop for another pair of sunglasses but at least his noggin is still intact and unscathed.

I didn’t lose too many balls and probably found as many as I lost but not without consequences. I walked through some branches to look for my lost ball and ended coming out with my legs covered in scratches top to bottom which, by the way, I was allergic to. The scratches turned into huge red welts and my legs were all splotchy for about 4 holes. How deceiving though, because the scratches didn’t even hurt till I showered that night.. and thank goodness for that because the burn from the water on the scratches way over shadowed the pain from the hot water hitting my sunburn..

All in all, a great day. I still got to spend the morning hanging with 3 people I love to hang with, the battle scars from the 9 holes were not really that bad and in the end, I still love golfing. Sunday was the lovely mb’s bday and mother’s day. 1/2 price for 9 holes for mommies. we spent the rest of the day napping, stuffing our faces with cake and then a bbq.

Happy Birthday GCL. I hope you had as much fun as I did.

pb

Friday, April 22, 2005

good night, good night...

as a single mom of two teenage girls i find myself often wanting to be way too overprotective. can a parent be too over-protective?? in any case, i often talk to my friends about "how we were at that age" and that is usually enough to want me to lock them in the basement and throw away the key until they turn 18.. make that 30. reality sets in and i usually find myself just asking them the "concerned" parent questions hoping to balance the fine line of cool concerned parent and over-protective crazy parent.

so over the past week skye has asked me several times if she could go hang out with her friends at the park after school. because it falls on a friday, it would mean that i pick her up, drive her to piano lessons, then pick her up from there and drop her off at her friend's house so that they can walk to the park together. i hummed and hawed about this for days... logistically, for me, it doesn't make sense because since we moved, her school and her friends houses are not as close to our house as i'd like it to be...

so today, skye begged the question again... "mom, can i go to the park with my friends??" ...

me: who are you meeting there??
skye: some friends from school??
me: what time are you going to be home? how are you getting home?
skye: i'll be home by dinner and i'll take the bus.
me: the bus?? who are you going to take the bus with??
skye: hmmmpf.. mom, i can take it myself.
me: um.. ok.. be home by 5 for sure, not a minute later.
skye: 5:30!??
me: 5.
skye: ok 5. i'll be home by 5
me: so who exactly are you meeting??
skye: san, john, kyle, marcel, miguel
me: what?? you and 5 boys?? skye.... is catherine or JQ going too?? how bout wong??
skye: no, they can't go.
me: skye.. i'm not sure i'm comfortable with you meeting 5 boys...
skye: mom!!?? what exactly do you think i'm going to do to them???

....

so... to that, i had no response. i told her again to be home at 5 and dropped her off. what was i thinking???

pb

Monday, April 18, 2005

Even heroes have the right to dream

spring is definitely here. took my baby out several times and wow.. did i ever miss it. everything is running smoothly and as usual numb bum sets in even after a short 1 hour ride. ;) gotta luv it.

even sama went for a ride with me on saturday to gm's house. she loved it (yay!!!). just as she hopped off my bike mel pulled up with her parents in their car. sometimes she pretends to be all embarrassed when her friends see her on my bike but i think she secretly loves it.

all is good...

:)

pb

Thursday, April 07, 2005

The future’s open wide

i can feel this little splinter in my hand. i cannot see it. when i rub my finger over my palm the little splinter moves and i can feel it pinching me. i can't feel it with my finger though... only the pain from it moving when i rub against it. i would love to be able to dig it out as it is quite bothersome but because it is nowhere to be seen, i don't even know where to start digging. this is really bothering me. can you see it?? let me know if you do.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Open up my eager eyes

ALL YOU CAN EAT - those words are enticing to say the least.
particularly so, when they are strung together with "SUSHI".

several weeks ago, amazing t sent an email out asking if any of us would like to join her to satisfy her hankering for soft shelled crab rolls at this new all you can eat korean / japanese place nearby. i reluctantly, agreed. ALL YOU CAN EAT - those are dangerous words. i always feel an unexplainable pressure to consume way more food than my body is capable of processing or storing comfortably. growing up, my parents instilled in us the need to not only literally eat all that you can but also eat the expensive food items like meat and seafood... don't bother with the pasta and rice. even on the best of days where i starve myself all day, i can barely ingest what i perceive the value of dinner to be. most of the time, i go in, knowing exactly where to draw the line and then at some point, before i get too full, i stop and i leave content.

the players that night ... yves, amazing t, jord, don, elaine, mama y, skye, me and the adorable MB. we must have had at least a couple hundred pieces of sushi, sashimi, etc. amongst other things... teriyaki, soba, udon, edamame, and some other stuff we only referred to by number. the rolls just kept on coming out.. and just as we finished what we thought was the last plate, another plate came out. we ate and ate and ate and before we all knew it, we were past full. at the end of the night, even laughing hurt because i was so full. i don't ever remember eating that much before... now i know why.

that night i got home and sat with MB - both afraid and unable to move too much. we both agreed that the night's binge was a little outrageous - i even learned something new about him and his abilty to eat. what i believed to be a bottomless pit, in fact did have a bottom.

today, several weeks since our sushi binge, i still think about that night when someone invites me out for sushi. t, don, elaine, skye, jord, mama y and i think even yves, all have gone several times since. mb and i, we haven't indulged in sushi at a restaurant in weeks. i know for a fact that this is by far the longest time i've gone with out having a roll of some sort. i think i'm due for some soon... anyone want join me??? just say when...

buttercup

Friday, March 25, 2005

light up, light up...

bloomington illinois. 10 hours from toronto. this is where i am tonight. sama. skye. koos. yves. tina. don. mom. and sweet little jordan. here with jade. conner. tj. mark. julie. a.terry and a. virginia and adorable ian. :) walmarts are 24 hours here. targets close at midnight. we had intentions for a big shopping day.. but that didn't work out as well as planned. driving thru the night proved a little more exhausting than we imagined. we won the lottery crossing the border. mom had tonnes of meat dumplings packed and the border 'puter arbitrarily picked our car for a check. luckily it only required us to get out of the car and make an appearance at immigration. it helped that we had 3 sleepy kids in tow. dumplings made it here with only a few casualties which we ingested this morning. yum.

:)

pb

Monday, March 21, 2005

do they wobble to and fro...

it's really amazing how disconnected from the rest of the world i've been feeling over the past few weeks - particularly last week. thanks to a nasty virus on my 'puters, i've had no internet access at home - it has been about 2-3 weeks. last week, however, i took the week off for March break. my only access was through my cell phone, occasional visits to t's house, or when i was able to convince the ever charming MB to bring over his notebook at which point we would also have to count on "ap router" to also have his unsecured wireless line open. none of these proved very reliable. my cell phone was a slow connect and displayed limited text, visits to t's house were not as frequent as i would have liked, and "ap router" didn't have his computer on sometimes (it's actually quite terrible that i'm complaining about someone who doesn't know enough to secure his/her wireless connection).

i've been checking email infrequently and have not visited any of my favourite "check daily" websites and i haven't been upkeeping this blog. i'm way behind on my reading now. this week, i'm back at work - feeling a bit more connected but still not able to catch up on reading/blogging because i'm just too busy here.

so ... some random thoughts ...

'puters
as of last night virus is gone and internet is back up. i need a new router too.
yay...

motorcycles
ahhh.. i went for my first ride this season last sunday... it was cold. lovely but cold. not my motorcycle either. i had to get certified to become a motorcycle instructor (yes.. i passed!!!). it was so cold my fingers were numb and hurting. i couldn't even tell if i was actually moving my fingers at one point without looking at them. in any case, after many attempts to gain feeling in my fingers, i mustered up enough warmth to take the test and passed with zero points :). woo hoo...

the other day sama's bf came over and i pulled the cover off my bike to show him my baby. man, it took every thing in me to not give it a big "i miss you" hug. i've been really craving a ride especially with the weather starting to warm up. the certification ride came just in time, but not quite the same when it's cold and not my bike. i may even put the battery in and fire it up over the next few weeks. i'm tired of sitting on it in my garage making "vrrroommmm vroooooooooooom" noises.

march break
i have never taken a week off work to just stay at home and relax. this past week was my first. i can't really say what i did with myself most of the time. it really is something to have no commitments for the week. no appointments, no gymnastics, no tramplining, no ball hockey, no work ... amazing. no internet left me with no surfing and no msging and no emails. i didn't sleep as much as i would have liked to, i didn't go out much. i cleaned my basement. i ate - too much. my family, the three of us, put on 15-20 lbs. ice cream everyday will do that. sama saw a lot of guy and skye had a tonne of fun with jq and wong. i had lunch with thesnowdog on wednesday and brought lunch to the very busy but delightful MB on thursday who cancelled the lunch date we planned all week. i visited iln on her bday and was even able to squeeze in some studying for the certification day for the motorcycle course. thursday today and i am just starting to wrap my head around all things work related - thank goodness this is a short week.

Happy Easter ...

princess buttercup

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Happy Birthday Patrick. :) Hope you have a great day.

pb

Friday, March 04, 2005

The heart is a bloom ...

Happy Birthday Slowpoke!!!

Slowpoke...

Of course i wish to extend the traditional birthday wishes but first i just wanted to say this...

the other day i looked at the calendar and noticed that my birthday falls on a friday. It's not for several weeks still but i wondered and almost stressed over whether or not i will be playing hockey that night. I think in the past, there would be nothing better than playing hockey on my birthday.. but now, not so much. i'm on the fence. so here you are... your birthday today and you will be playing hockey tonight. knowing you the way i do, i'm pretty sure it was a decision you made without hesitation. for whatever reason, thinking about your passion for hockey always inspires me to play more as well. i'm feeling a bit more pressure to go play for my own birthday now.

i hope you have a really great day. i hope you don't read this till monday cuz that would mean you took the day off. i still don't know who john wong is but if i ever cross paths with him, i'd thank him for playing hockey and planning badly so that you came to play with us. Thanks for your friendship, sharing your occasional hockey wisdom and listening to me gripe about all things hockey all these years.

Happy happy Birthday M!

pb

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Destiny is calling me

...

yes.. i still have THAT cough. since christmas. i've given up on the puffer and went to some homeopathic concoction that was given to me. 10 drops of this plus 5 drops of that. tastes boozy. i've been doing that for 2 weeks. no noticable change.

after much prodding from many people i decided to go see a chinese doc about this cough. he did some acupuncture- one needle in each hand by the meaty part between my thumb and index finger and two needles in my face just underneath on each side of my nostrils - and he gave me some "foo cha" and sent me on my way. he's treating my allergies/asthma, which will hopefully fix my cough, and my migraines. coincidentally, i got a migraine after seeing him on sunday and today is the first day without any sort of head pain. hopefully, it has just worn itself out.. typically 3 days is how long a migraine lasts for me.

i stayed off the more potent drugs this time so that it doesn't counteract the eastern meds... my migraines mixed with the right drugs, creates the most wicked dreams. i missed that this time around.

no cold food/drinks, no spicy foods - those don't go well with the foo cha.
the "foo cha" tastes awful. a brown powder mixed with a little warm water creating a brown pastey liquid that i have to drink. the woman who gave it to me said it was sweet... but i'm thinking that she's never tasted sugar before.

now i should be on my way to a cough and migraine free existance. next ... i need to get my foot looked at. it's still bothering me.

pb

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

this moment she's been waiting for ....

Marty: You should wait 'til you meet someone who excites you.
Willie: Well, you know, she may not be out there.
Marty: It's like "The Wizard of Oz," Will. The whole time it was right in your own backyard.
- Beautiful Girls

******************************************************


so it turns out that the adorable MB called me from blockbuster a few nights ago telling me he was going to rent a movie ... he asked what i wanted to see... i told him i didn't care and that he could just rent anything and bring it over to watch (that's probably why i'm getting scammed on the movie choices.. it's totally my fault for really not caring what we watch..) ... so we went back and forth and after a few minutes i realized that he must've read my blog from last week. so i chose - "touch of pink".

since my blog, (which was actually more just me griping about my indecisive nature and not directed towards mb), we've seen two movies ... touch of pink and a couple nights ago we decided to forego the oscars and saw million dollar baby (mutual choice). both movies were excellent... but i really recommend million dollar baby though...


pb

Thursday, February 24, 2005

You'll never shine if you don't glow

"According to most studies, people's Number One Fear is Public Speaking.
Number Two Fear is death. Death is Number Two!!!
Now, this means, to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy!!"
- Jerry Seinfeld monologue, episode 61 of Seinfeld.

This is me... total fear at the thought of public speaking.

I've got two kids.. one looks like me more and the other behaves like me more (i really don't know who is more cursed)... so it did come as a bit of a surprise to me when skye (the one who behaves like me) continually won (came 1st or 2nd) her school's public speaking contest. each year, she writes and presents her speech first in front of her class, then in front of her school and last year, even went on the the next level competing with many other schools in the region - each time placing first or second.

i distinctly recall sitting in the audience and feeling so scared ... i had a death grip on the cards she no longer needed and i read them over like it was i who had to stand up there, my palms sweaty, my heart racing, my knees weak. she was thoroughly grossed out when my cold clammy hands reached over to comfort her. she really didn't need me there.. she was calm, collected and couldn't wait to go up there to blow everyone away. that she did,... each and every time. i was soooo impressed.

i recently enrolled in a motorcycle instructor training course. yes.. to become an motorcycle instructor. i, along with a few other instructors, will have to teach a class room of people how to ride a motorcycle. this is the beginning of a series of things that i will do to help me conquer this terrible fear. a few weeks ago, our class was asked to learn some lessons that would prepare us to present to a group of students in the spring. i was so nervous about having to stand in front of anyone to practice the lesson presentations. the night before i couldn't sleep, i felt nauseous, and had thought up a gajillion excuses to tell the instructor as to why i did so badly.

see the sad thing is, the material i am supposed to teach is pretty much written out for me. the ideas and lessons are already prepared, my job is to teach it, not to write it. the other thing is that my audience will be filled with willing participants. generally, no one is forced to learn to ride a bike, they do it willingly, clinging to your every word because it is something they want to learn. how hard could that be?? it's not like they would even know if you forgot to say something or explained something incorrectly... AND the course is designed with a lot of safety nets in case you do forget to mention something while presenting the lesson.

that same week skye was given the task of writing a speech for this year. she ran around the house in a panic, not knowing what subject she would write about knowing the deadline was a few short days away. I'm not sure why, but that triggered in me the memory of the panic that had set in for her last year when her speech was assigned and the year before and the year prior to that. from that, i remembered all those times she stood in front of her peers, parents and teachers and just astonished everyone with not only her words, but with her poise and confidence.

the following week, i went to my class ... equipped with the inspiration and motiviation skye unknowingly gave me. i did better job presenting my material with the knowledge that skye effortlessly stands in front of 5-10 times as many people and presents something that she writes herself to an audience, who are the most critical because they are asked to choose the best ones and also forced to listen to speech after speech after speech. remember that?? in grade school, having to listen to speech after speech, and comparing each one to the next so that you could help to vote for the classmate who went to the next level. now, THAT.. must be really hard to do...

my kids are truly amazing (not just saying that because i'm their mother). they give me strength when i'm feeling defeated ... they make me smile when i'm sad ... and inspire me when i'm feeling stuck. they go through life just doing their thing and in the process have taught me more than they'll ever know. thanks guys, you're the best!

skye, by the way, came 2nd this year in her speech presentation. THAT'S SECOND IN HER SCHOOL!! Had her school been more prudent in signing up for the regional speech competition, she would have made it past her school gym again. Congrats babe! you are truly amazing.

pb

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Nothing could ever be so wrong

recently, someone who will, for now, remain nameless, proclaimed himself to be my movie buddy (MB)... sometimes even calling ME "movie buddy", to reinforce the fact that my movie passes are to be shared with him and him alone. to my chagrin, his jedi mind tricks have been slowly but surely working its way into my head. as much as i don't like admitting it, he has been the first person i've called for the past several movies.

HOWEVER... i can justify this... i'm not that easy ... i've been playing along well and little does he know, i've turned on my feminine wiles to match his jedi mind tricks and have convinced him to buy me pre movie dinner almost every time ... (sometimes there is no time for both dinner and movie) ... so it works out for both of us ... we both love movies, we both love to eat ... now, if only i can use those feminine wiles and get him to buy after movie bubble tea each time, i'd be set. oh.. and the bonus (there's always a bonus) is that he's adorable...

here's the glitch (there's always a glitch too). my choice of movie is always the fluffy light ones that warm your heart and feed your soul - full of romance and laughter and all that good stuff. his choice? blood, guts n gore and shoot 'em up, blow 'em up movies. we agreed, "you pick one, i pick one..."

in the past month, we've seen..

Ocean's 12 (this one was a neutral choice - MB chose a movie with lots of eye candy so i readily agreed.)

Hide and Seek (MB's choice)

In Good Company (My choice)

Open Water (dish movie - but don't see this... it sucked - this was actually MB's choice that i agreed on)

Hitch (my choice but MB didn't make it on time. Skye, my brother and i loved it - so this one actually doesn't count)

The Grudge (dvd - skye/MB's choice)

Constantine (Skye/MB's choice - ok by me b/c KR is in it - he was hot, but now, not so much)

Saw
(rental - MB's choice - i didn't want to see it, but loved it in the end)

now having typed this out, i think i'm getting scammed. i'm going to have to reevaluate this "you pick one, i pick one" method of choosing. i'm have to be more assertive with my movie choices...

All around the world statues crumble for me

you know how sometimes when you are slightly distracted and your head is in a daze and you can't seem to wrap your head around anything long enough to commit it to a blog? ... i've been like that lately. a good daze.. but a daze nonetheless. i will update soon.

and... i'd like to add i got 3 goals last night.. and they decided not to keep stats!!! ggrrr....

pb

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Nobody tells you where to go...

i read about slowpoke's ankle injury yesterday and subconsciously i must have been so jealous, i went out and got my own foot injury...

I'd love to be able to glamourize it by saying it was a hockey injury but it wasn't. in my haste to drive sama to her bf's house i jumped onto the landing that leads to my garage in the dark and half my foot ended up on an ill placed pair of shoes.

my foot stung for a few seconds but as any wanna-be athlete would do, i thought.. walk it off, go play ball hockey. so that's what i did. it didn't really bother me till i got home and had stopped walking on it for a little while.

this morning, it was really sore... but right now, it's not so bad. it'll be better in 3 days.. everything always is.

pb

Friday, February 11, 2005

So what's wrong with taking the back streets

i'd like to say that i'm taking a break from reviewing some notes but who would i be kidding.. most of you who know me know that i just don't work that way. i haven't picked up any notes all day. i was just about to, when i thought of something to blog about.. so here i am once again...

this morning.. while deliberating about whether to do some work or some review for my course, i got a msg from a far away friend ... i asked "whatcha been up to??" ... he replied by hooking me up to his webcam. there he was in the middle of namba, japan late at night, next to a closed internet cafe, borrowing a wireless connection from a coffee house nearby. he stood there shivering, with his camera propped up on his handlebars, his laptop at the other end of his bike, while showing me the guy who was selling s3x, a group of people standing across the street and all the shops nearby... i even sent him a text message to his phone and he showed me his phone ringing.. :) that was just so very cool. thx b.

pb

oh no, i've said too much, i haven't said enough

skye has a PA day today. she's at home sleeping. i got to work early today thinking - half day.. get in early, get more work done. i don't feel like working. the sun is shining and beckoning. thank god for half days.

can someone explain these stats to me? i think i'm happy just to get a mention in the commentary cuz the stats don't really mean anything to me. i think my goal from here on in is just to get on the player of the week list. who cares about stats anyway??

all i have to say about the stats is thank goodness for occasional players.. at first glance they make me look like not so bad of a player...

i took some pics of bh last week but they were dark and i haven't had time to edit.

i know why i'm no longer in school. i hate studying. i remember that now.. ugh. maybe i'll study a while instead of getting some work done. someone told me that he gets an adrenoline rush when he is studying. i must have gotten in the wrong line when God was passing out the link to adrenoline and studying.

getting back to work.. for real this time.

buttercup

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Mouth is alive with juices like wine

aftermath...

see that martini glass at the end of the table beside the purple bag of chips.. mmmmm chocolate martini's ... snowdog, i'll take one of those when you cook me dinner...

oh.. wait.. wasn't i allergic to that?? grrrr...

i also had the bottle of coke beside the far moosehead... and my water seems to have disappeared...

buttercup

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Nothing changes on New Year's day

Happy New Year!!!

I treasure more and more the times our families get together. When we were younger our lives were driven by what our parents did. When they wanted us all to go for dinner, we'd all go. Now as we all live separate lives, often one or two people cannot make it and surprisingly i feel a little sad that they are not there. This year, everyone made it. I was so happy to see Vince and Jo for Chinese New Year dinner. It's not as if i don't see them often enough, but it's just nice to see them and to catch up. Congee and i discussed this briefly when he bought me lunch the other day and we came to the conclusion that it's all about seating position. Our family is pretty big and even though we are all at dinner together it dosen't necessarily mean we catch up or talk to everyone... so the other night i sat across from and talked to vince and jo :) i'm glad they are back from their extended trip and i'm happy that jo is feeling better.

I love Chinese New Year. my kids always try to convince me that it warrants a day off school and i always contemplate if it warrants a day off work... in the end, nothing changes on new year's day ... i think this is the first year we didn't make it to a Chinese restaurant though. The irony in it all is that a couple of my other friends, also chose not to eat Chinese for CNY too. ... and coincidentally, we all ate Japanese food. Is Japanese food the new Chinese food?? LOL.. all the Japanese places are owned and run by Chinese anyway in this neck of the woods...

:)

buttercup

Monday, February 07, 2005

She said you're like a disease without any cure

this was fun... we should have all posted when were we drunk.. wait.. i wasn't drunk.. congee99, why didn't we all blog at thesnowdog's.

did you guys see the fog on saturday night? crazy. i didn't enjoy driving in that at all.

sama's bf seems nice. cute. polite. smart. (smart from what i can tell in the couple hours i spent with him). sama says he's smart. she's so cute now. def. happier. all smiley.

chris sang to me the other night. i was going to ask him to anyway based on a bet he lost ... but he did it anyway without me asking ... i love it when people sing to me.. not that anyone ever does it.. but i love it. laid was my favourite, chris, in case you are inclined to do it again.
pb

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Coming in fast, over me

a couple days ago, sama called me from school with a dilemma. she wanted to skip class to go downtown to meet some friends. she wasn't sure if she should bother asking cuz she could just sign herself out. she's 16. i know she can't sign herself out till she's 18 (yes, sama, i do know that much). she told me that she wanted to skip periods 4 and 5. i hmmm'ed and ummmm'ed for a few seconds and then the beautiful sunshine caught the corner of my eye. i looked over my shoulder out my window and thought - i wish i were outside - and in a moment of weakness, said "sure, what time will you be home". what was i thinking?

buttercup

And if our way should falter...

i love my parents. they have always been amazing. i have always believed that i truly appreciated them and all that they've done for us. my mom has been a stay at home mommy for as long as i know. she tells us of a time when she worked .. but i don't remember that at all. my dad was the best. he worked hard and for many hours every day but still tried to keep his weekends free for us till we no longer wanted to do things with him.

so here i am today.. a single mom with two really great kids. people often ask me if it's hard to raise kids on my own and i can honestly say that, relatively speaking, i was blessed with two lovely children that have been easy to love and raise. yes, it's trying sometimes and i don't always know or even think i'm doing a good job but in hindsight, i'd like to think that they are well balanced, smart, fun, social kids.

there are moments as a parent that you look forward to and unfortunately moments that you dread. i've had two of those dreadful moments in the past few weeks. the anticipation of them was probably worse and i was comforted a few days ago when my manager, who is so confident and never seems to be phased by anything, told me he was dreading those two moments as well.. they are still years away for him and he's already preparing for them.

sama told me a couple days ago that she has a boyfriend. it wasn't so much a surprise, i guess, i've been teasing her about it for weeks. she's been messaging a lot with a guy friend and hey.. she's beautiful, smart, funny .. what guy wouldn't be interested in her?

i don't think it's so bad that she has a boyfriend but i think in the end my stress is about how i've raised her. i hope i've equipped with all the things necessary to choose friends as well as boyfriends well and make good choices in life. as a single parent i'm never too sure about that - i don't have someone to bounce things off of and nor any close friends who have paved the "teenager" road ahead of me and to discuss those situations with. most of the time, i just fly by the seat of my pants and hope for the best. so far, i really like all her friends and so far, from what i've learned about her boyfriend, he seems to be someone that will inspire and motivate her. what more can i ask for?

so tonight i have invited sama's new boyfriend over. she is very nervous about it as is he. last night i joked about it with her hoping it would relieve some of the tension. this will hardly be the moment of truth and in a few years will probably not be too significant in the whole scheme of things ... but right now, i too am a little nervous about this ....

pb

Monday, January 31, 2005

And I've been doing just fine ...

still coughing - at least i've gone back to sleeping through the night. ugh. this is so tiring.

pb

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

If you are confused, check with the sun

my internal clock has been off by about 4-5 days for a couple weeks now. i don't know why and i can't seem to reset it. this morning i was sure today was the 21st or 22nd and last week, on the 21st i thought it was the 18th. so don't ask me what the date is... i have no idea.

last night i somehow got wrangled into playing in net for ball hockey. no volunteers. i was guilted into doing it since i haven't yet and we are trying to rotate through all the players. i tried, without success, to convince don to automatically give 10 points to any person who volunteers to stand between the pipes ... ugh.. that would have just been too easy and it may have convinced me to play in net more.. but we both knew it wouldn't really be fair because don almost always wins both games when we play - so he'd get 16 points every week just for showing up. that just wouldn't work. frank didn't show up yesterday. frank is the sniper i buddied up with last week to ensure i wasn't last in the point race. i'm not sure where he developed his shot, but man, it really sucks when you get caught in front of one of those. i'm glad he wasn't there to use me as a target.

anyway, i ended up winning both games we played. i'm not sure how that happened because don has gotten really really good in net. i'd like to think that it was my superb goaltending abilities.. but in reality i think it was because my defencemen were playing that much harder in case i sucked. glad to report that i didn't suck nearly as bad as everyone had expected. unlike playing in net on the ice, i actually made quite a few intentional saves / blocks. on the ice, i know it's almost all luck. i try to mimic some goalie moves but i end up flopping around like a beached whale. it's quite the sight. i just might try this goalie thing again.. ok.. not till it's my turn in the rotation again ... i'm not that crazy..

buttercup

Friday, January 21, 2005

there's something going wrong around here...

why is it that i have trouble getting into first gear when it's cold outside? does anyone else have that problem? it is something i should be concerned about? second gear is working fine. please enlighten me.

pb

You'll never shine if you don't glow...

sooo...

this cough is still sucking the life out of me. if i'm still like this after the weekend i may have to make another date with the doctor. ugh..

my mom ended up finding the garage door guy she used years ago and he ended up charging her $90 to fix the dumb thing. i actually was able to diagnose the problem b/c i lived in that house before and the same thing happened. i assisted in the repair the first time so i actually knew how to fix it. i would have volunteered to fix it, but i hate getting my hands dirty like that ... and the princess in me thinks it's way too cold outside. i think i could have easily instructed someone else to do it, but the reality of it is that no one who knows me well would readily listen to my instructions while truly believing i knew what i was talking about... heck, i not sure i would believe that. thanks ken for offering to fix but by the time i got your message it was already done.

i went to see jordan again last night.. what a sweetie.. once again she gave me a kiss without any prompting other than, "bye jordan!".. before yesterday, i would always have to ask her for a hug or kiss.. now she just gives me one. doesn't get better than that.

click here for our ball hockey score sheet. it's really not that interesting.. but i'm really not that interesting and here you are reading my blog... if you somehow figure out a way i can get more points, please feel free to share.

ahhh friday.. i love fridays. i'm also looking fwd to tomorrow. i've enrolled in a motorcycle instructor course. although most people will tell you that i'm a pretty outgoing person, i am, like most people, terrified about standing in front of a group to speak.. hopefully this will help me overcome that a little...

oh.. and in case any of you who read this know dave and kat.. they had a baby boy!!!! Both mommy and baby are healthy :)

pb


Thursday, January 20, 2005

Nobody said it was easy...

my mom is getting older. i think someone tried to rip her off today. the repair moron wanted to charge her $300+ to fix a garage door opener. can't you buy a new one for that price? he couldn't even tell her what was wrong with it.

i'm happy to report that my mom had to good sense to tell the guy screw off (ok.. she didn't really say that.. but i wish she had) and went looking for someone more honest. i am truly disappointed though, that there are people who take advantage of situations like that.

pb

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

You don’t know how lovely you are...

this morning started out as usual.. up at 6:30am to drive sama and skye to school. business as usual, out of the door by 7:30am ... ahhh.. snow - i don't recall anyone saying anything about a snow storm ... long story short, what should have taken me an hour ended up taking almost 3 hours. tired of driving and really really late for work i decided to take an extra 10 minutes to go home to turn a light off. remember the car trouble i had a couple days ago? i noticed that my car was running a little hot, called t to tell her and within a couple seconds, only 2 minutes from home, my car starts billowing white smoke. CRAP! i pull over to the side. panicked and now with my car filling with the smoke, i opened my door and hoped that my car wasn't on fire. no flames. white smoke. fire would be black smoke. (is that rational thinking?) i called don who was nearby. i told him what had happened and that i was going to call CAA to send a tow truck. the woman on the phone told me that the wait would be anywhere from 1 to 3 hours. 3 hours??? what? 3 hours... i looked around and realized that there wasn't really any place i could go to that was close enough for me to be able to return to my car when the tow truck came. i looked for a blanket in my car and was preparing for the long wait when don pulled up behind me. WHEW! i was so glad to see him - his car will be warm. so we sat and sat and waited and waited. (thanks don!!!) oddly enough, don's car was also having temperature problems and he was already planning on bringing it to the mechanic as well.

i called work again.. told them i prob wouldn't make it in today. the tow truck finally came, picked up my car and took it to the mechanic. last week, it was the water pump, today, the radiator. grrrr... mental note: look for a new car. so don drove me home and i again called t to see if i could borrow a car to either go to work or to pick up the kids. i decided on the latter.

the rest of my day went pretty much without incident except for the salmon which was slightly overcooked. picked up kids, picked up car, visited costco.

funny ... all this happens - very frustrating... but i sat on my couch about an hour ago and thought about today... the one thing that really stands out, the one thing that i wanted to share with my kids about my day, was that jordan - my beautiful niece, leaned over on her own to give me a kiss when i told her i was leaving her house. this day was certainly not one that i would have chosen to remember ... and because of that one little action, it will be one that i will never forget :).

pb

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

in the eyes of a passerby...

i'm feeling happy today ... not that i'm usually not happy, but today it's more blissful, content and peaceful. my mind isn't filled with a whirlwind of jumbled thoughts and my body, although fatigued from the constant coughing, is feeling rested and like it's finally trying to defeat the cough. (damn, i forgot to puff this morning)... up until this point, i was sure the cough was going to get the best of me.

we played ball hockey last night. as usual, it was fun and a really great work out. i think the puffer is making my heart race more than usual, making it slightly uncomfortable at times. i'm ok as long as i'm running around and playing but once i get off and sit, my heart pounds so hard it feels like it's going to jump out of my chest. not comfortable at all. i'll have to keep an eye on that.

so don and t decided to keep stats for bh now - goals, assists, +/-, wins - i think that's it. after long discussions i think i finally understand what qualifies as an assist and where +/- comes into play. i think goals and wins are pretty straight forward and i never bothered to ask if it involved something more than the obvious. if you know it does, please enlighten me.

i just play hockey, i don't know hockey.

during the first game i spent most of the time trying to figure out all these points and how they work. i know i'm way too competitive to be sitting in last place without trying so i decided i'd devise a system to ensure that i wouldn't sit in last place. the reality is that i don't play seriously enough to score frequently and although i do pass often to others who score, but i can't really depend on others to get me points. that leaves the +/- and wins. wins i can't control without being able to score consistantly. ... so that leaves +/-. i further investigated the whole +/- concept. all of a sudden, WHAM!!! it hit me like a tonne of bricks. i would just have to latch onto the guy who i thought was the best player and as long as i'm on while he's on, he does the scoring, i possibly assist once or twice and i get a tonne of + points. so that's what i did. he ended up with 8 goals and i was on for half of those ...


anyway, i'm happy to report that after 2 games i'm +8.5 tied for 6th with 2 others. 13 players. that puts me right in the middle. (i'm looking at the modified scoring because that one makes more sense to me. the difference is that the modified scoring gives 1.5 points per assist instead of one). i got one goal, one assist and one win. the rest has to do with +/- i guess (LOL ... see how i report this with so much confidence .. i'm trying to seem like i know what i'm talking about but really, i have no idea, who am i kidding?)


LOL. i feel a little guilty about being in the middle of the pack.. i'm not sure why though ... i didn't cheat or anything esp. since i announced my intentions to everyone. i just mastered the art of shifting with the best player. is that so wrong?

buttercup

Monday, January 17, 2005

love is all around...

i'm in love.. :)

with this...

and

this

pb

don't waste the pretty



ok.. so i'm directionally challenged... i just needed to share that... i can admit that.

a few weeks ago, i was driving on wilson. not sure if i was headed in the right direction and almost late to my appointment, i sped up a little so that i wouldn't travel in the wrong direction for too long. all of a sudden, "CRAP!" a cop had jumped out in front of my car and pointed for me to pull over. Damn, how fast was i going??? i had no idea.. this was during those couple weeks where i was sick. under normal circumstances (those who know me well will attest to this), i turn on the charm and somehow talk my way out of the ticket. it works ... most of the time.. in any case, i quickly surveilled the surroundings, took a deep breath and watched the cop approach in my mirror. i was in no mood to turn on the charm and was feeling so crappy and just wanted to go home. i decided to just suck it in and take the ticket - afterall, i WAS speeding. i rolled down my window and right away, i was glad i didn't waste the pretty. the challenge would have been fun and i'm almost always up for a really good challenge, but i really wasn't feeling well enough to play for long. "you were speeding," he said. "i know" i replied as he walked away and wrote the ticket.

i headed to the courts last week to plead guilty with an explanation or not guilty to get a court date. i hadn't decided which. i later found out that if you plead guilty with an expanation, you can still go to trial if you don't like what the judge offers you. so i went with that.

knowing my poor sense of direction coupled with the absence of instruction, i decided to give some extra time to get to the court so that i would be back on time for skye's piano lesson. as always, the rest was a blur. i don't remember things well when i'm confused. i was going in one direction and then the road turned and then this and that.. and in no time i ended up near the airport - ok.. i actually don't know that i was near the airport.. i just think that i might have been - maybe it was brampton or mississauga .. i dunno.

i'm not sure if there is a moral of this story or why i'm even blogging it a all ... and... unfortunately there is no lesson learned here as there is not much i can do to gain a better sense of direction. all i've learned in my life is to take note of landmarks and then i will be able to find my way out. that doesn't help when i'm lost all the time though.

i could have perhaps mapquested the directions, but as always the side of me that seeks adventure thought it would too easy of a journey to actually map it first. i really should know better but i'm in denial.. i know that... i've been jonesin' for my bike lately, perhaps i just jumped into my riding mode where it's ok to get lost cuz it just means more riding. in hindsight, thinking back to when i got the ticket, sometimes it's just not worth it to turn "it" on. that def. was a good call.

pb

Thursday, January 13, 2005

i found a way to make you smile....

i looked for the little girl in the blue jacket yesterday and today. we left a bit later than usual so i wasn't surprised that we didn't see her. sama has started calling her "penguin girl". she had the hood on her jacket wrapped so tightly around her head that she could barely turn her head. without any peripheral vision, she may have not seen the grass that would have saved her from the second fall. i keep on picturing those "national geographic" type specials on penguins and see them waddling across the ice and snow.. and how clumsy they sometimes are. i can see now why she coined "penguin girl".

Yay!!! the killers cd that i ordered for skye came in today. the temptation to peel off the plastic and pop it in my 'puter here at work is great!! it's calling out to me... i can hear it as i fondle the package. i know skye loves to open things first and be the first to use it. i have to resist! damn.. the things i do for my kids.

i was excited yesterday to have my first blog comment from someone i didn't personally know. thx shandi. not that you will read more.. but in case you do...

i've been reading a little bit every now and then about the tsunami and all the kindness that has come from it as well as all the horrors attached to it. i always feel a bit weird reading all of it... on one page, tells of how much help the aid we are sending over is helping them and then on the next page how kids are being exploited or used. one page shows a member of Canada's DART team helping a child and then on the next page, how a couple of people falsely bid $10000 for a child's drawing on ebay, knowing that all proceeds would be going to tsunami relief. crazy... what's wrong with people? i don't know where i'm going with this and can rant about this forever, so i'll just stop here.

some car trouble yesterday lead me to have dinner with t and her family. wow.. my little niece is sooo cute. it's funny because i think of her as my "real" niece because she is my sister's baby. my ex's sisters' kids, technically are my nieces and nephews too - but that's always been different. i'm not sure why this is ... i know i don't see my aunts and uncles as separate people.

i'm looking forward to playing some hockey tonight. it'll make my cough better - at last while i'm on the ice... i'm really looking forward to the weekend too - not the part where i have to wake up at 7am on Saturday morning after playing hockey till 3am on Friday night- but once i get past that, i should be just fine.

p. buttercup

have heart my dear...

my asthma cough has come back with a vengence. i think even the doc was feeling a bit sorry for me but maybe that's just his style...

so my date with the doc landed me with this...



he said it won't work for a few days and if after 10 days i'm still coughing, go back to see him. didn't he read my blog?? i don't actually remember to use the puffers. so if you happen to talk to me or email me, can you ask if i inhaled today?

pb

Date with a doctor...

Thank goodness this cough hasn't kept me up at night. I'm not sure if perpetually coughing is wearing me out or if it's just me not getting enough sleep. Should i try to sleep even if i'm not tired? do the muscles in your belly get tighter from coughing? i think mine are feeling tighter!?!

i'm going to the doc this afternoon. my regular doc was full so i'm seeing someone else i haven't seen before. why didn't i do this sooner? i should have.

i'm glad i made the appt for today anyway. skye has her trampoline class today and usually i don't get a chance to go early enough to watch. she's was getting tired of the class until she learned to flip. now i wonder why i ever signed her up. i think my grey hairs have increased significantly since she started. i had 2 grey hairs before, i think i'm up to 3 now. that's pretty significant if you're looking at percentages. i'm so proud of her.

pb

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

COUGH COUGH

a few days ago i blogged about feeling much better .. however, since then i seemed to have developed this crazy hacking cough. it's not getting any worse, but also not better (one other reason i need a vacation). i don't really feel crappy from it - just annoyed. i wasn't even coughing this much when i was sick and at home last week.

a few years ago when i had this sort of cough, my doc perscribed one cough syrup after another. none worked. i was still seeing my allergy doc at the time and he told me that my coughs get this way b/c of my asthma. after months of using different puffers i think my cough had just exhausted itself and went away.

i, btw, know i'm in denial about the whole asthma thing. i used to have all sorts of puffers, one to use before any sports, one to use during if needed, one for this, one for that. thing is, that i am not so good at remembering that i have to use them or carrying them around with me. most of the time i just hacked and hacked and gasped for air until i felt better. so one day, i just took hold, threw them all out and decided i was going to live without. it's been pretty good, till now. damn cough.

i broke down the other night after much harrassment from skye and bought some cough drops to suppress the cough when it becomes too unbearable. it works in suppressing it but the problem still exists. maybe it's time to see a doctor about this LOL .. maybe tomorrow... .

pb

little girl in blue jacket

a thin sheet of ice has blanketed the city today. driving wasn't too bad and fortunately all the other drivers i encountered were also being careful despite all the morons the guys on the radio warned me about. it was interesting watching all the kids making their way to school. most walked on the grass because the sidewalks were just too slippery. some girls locked arms using each other to steady their stride ... the most fun were the kids who took a running start and just slid their way to school. how great it must be to not worry about breaking or bruising something. i think the only time i've ever been that way is when i'm fully decked out in all my hockey gear.

there was however one exception. a young girl in a blue jacket. to her, i write this note.


To the little girl in the blue jacket,

i felt bad when i saw you fall down this morning. I looked over to see if you were ok before driving by. i saw you struggling a little bit trying to get onto the sidewalk again but was comforted by the fact that there was a large patch of grass next to you that was not slippery. everyone else who crossed the street with you had carefully stepped onto the grass, so that they would not meet the same fate you had. I am glad that you got up and were not hurt. why did you not step onto the grass as well? was your desire to conquer the icy sidewalk that great? i am sorry that i (we, sama, skye and i) laughed at you when you fell the second time. again you were ok from the fall but had you not been, i would have stopped to help you out. i was not sure if your intention was to be comic relief to those passing you on that street corner or perhaps you were just having so much fun, you just wanted to keep on playing. did you really think that you would be able to make it up that icy hill without boots that had any sort of traction? i later looked back and noticed that you were not happy. i'm really sorry for laughing and i am sorry for trying not to laugh but then laughing some more and i am sorry for continuing to laugh when i again thought about you just disappearing out of sight when you fell the second time.

i was happy to see that you were well on your way when i drove past you again after i dropped sama off. i'm not sure if you had conquered the hill or just surrendered to the grass, but if you did make it up on that ice, i applaud you. well done! Also thank you, because had i not seen you fall down i may have not called my mom to tell her to be very careful today.

sincerely,
pb.

Monday, January 10, 2005

leaving on a jet plane...

a few years ago, i went to california on a part business/part pleasure trip. it was supposed to be entirely business but because my company wanted me to stay over on the saturday, i had 3 days to do anything i wanted. i remember landing in LA and just as i stepped off the airplane and headed down the long corridor to the gate, i realized that i had no one there to meet me. i was suddenly overwhelmed with immense lonliness. meeting up with someone is my favourite part of being in an airport. as i approaced the gate, i saw what seemed to be a gazillion of anxious faces hoping that the next person through would be their loved one. for some strange reason, i secretly hoped that by some miracle, i too, would see a familiar face in the crowd, but i also knew that would be virtually impossible since no one knew i was landing at that time. i could see the anticipation and the almost disappointment that my face wasn't the familiar one they were seeking. then there were all the hugs and kisses for those who no longer had to wait. i just love that.

i love going to the airport. i love waiting at the arrival gate and i love watching people leave. there is always so much love. even when you see so much sadness in a person's eyes, to see their loved on flying off somewhere, you know that those tears are because they love that person that much. it is really a beautiful sight.

i was at the airport on friday. a couple locked in the longest embrace, followed by the sweetest, most delicate kiss. not a single word was exchanged, and at the same time, so much was being communicated just by the way they gazed in each other's eyes. nothing had to be said. a man in his 60's maybe, bear hugging two 20 somethings at the same time. again, no words were exchanged. hundreds of people surrounding them and i doubt any of them even noticed.

being at an airport is always like a different world - a place where love is always so apparent. it doesn't get much better than that.

pb

Friday, January 07, 2005

ahh i can finally breathe

i'm feeling much better today. thanks to all those who checked up on me. i love being loved!!!

Thursday, January 06, 2005

supposed to be a snow day

I can hear the snow beading against my window. somehow i got called into work today and now, here i am. i brought my toque today so i'm prepared to shovel all that crap off my car later. i'm still sick. what am i doing here? i can't concentrate. my brain is mush. i want to say i need a nap, but i'm not really sleepy... i just want to go home.

yesterday, i curled up on my couch and watched "love actually" again. i had forgotten how much i really love that movie. i actually got it a while ago but hadn't opened it b/c i didn't want s&s to see the simulated porn scenes. i broke down yesterday in my weakened state and watched it with the not so little one telling her to close her eyes during those scenes. unfortunately i was too into the movie and most of the time she yelled "eeew" and turned her head before i said anything. LOL

i must've sounded very sick when mom called yesterday. she tried to convince me over and over again to take some cough syrup that her doctor perscribed for her and wouldn't let me go back to sleep until i agreed to take it. i reluctantly said yes and she actually stopped by my house to bring it over and to check up on me. i won't take the "koffex". i agreed to take the bottle in case i needed it - but i won't. i've got all kinds of other drugs to make me stop coughing. did i say how much i hate being sick. i love taking the time off work but i hate feeling too ill and wasting a day sleeping. i hate sleeping so much that you can no longer sleep and then sitting in a daze not having the strength to do more and thinking about what makes my world go round or what makes my world stop going around...

so.. here are some sleep and food deprived, drug induced random thoughts from yesterday that i still remember today...

s&s and i made new years resolutions. we decided that we each had to make 3 - one that affected ourselves, one that affected the rest of the family and the third one is a home improvement sort of resoltution. we didn't get them down on paper yet. we started discussing and then got sidetracked. perhaps it wasn't so important afterall. it seemed like a good idea at the time. maybe i should take another stab at it tonight.

i really dislike dishonesty - i mean real lies. why do people find such a need to do so? we all tell little white lies to get on the way more quickly but sometimes lying is just dumb. are you honest with your friends, the ones that really mean something to you? i'd like to think that i am. sometimes it's just not worth it to compromise the trust in someone that cares about you.

"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou. i said this a few weeks ago in this blog. i have thought about this phrase often lately. really hard to do when you hope in the goodness of people. when you believe in the little spark you see in them that shows you they are different. in the end though, i think that the ones that can take the spark and create something useful from it, are far and few between. i just have to remember that part.

i spent a large portion of yesterday waiting. waiting 6 hours to take more tylenol, waiting for this or that show to start, waiting to pick up s&s, waiting for mom to come by... what a really strange thing. wow, do we ever spend a lot of time waiting for things... i actually have a lot more thoughts on this but i'll save it for another day.

i went to June's place to pick up some yarn today to finish the scarf. It's almost done. I should get it done by the weekend so if you see me sporting around a hand knitted scarf, please tell me how lovely it is.

buttercup :)

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

phlegm

i mistakenly thought i was sick during my last post.. but apparently that wasn't really anything even remotely close to how sick i'm feeling now. i hate sick. i can't even remember the last time i was sick. so i just thought i'd blog about it so that next time i feel this crap, i'll know exactly when it was last that i was feeling this way.

i haven't really been eating. i don't ever remember not eating when i'm sick. i always eat. yesterday, i was coughing till my head hurt and sneezing until i thought i ripped something in my belly. today not so much - yet. just the general, "did anyone get the plate of that truck that hit me?" feeling. oh.. and a fever? i've been getting chills but my kids can't really tell if i have a fever or not, they reach for my forehead as if i've asked them to reach into a bowl of worms. "you look so germy mom!" their hands feel amazingly cool though.

i got up after 12pm today. i don't remember the last time i did that either. that was actually the second time i got up. i got up the first time before 7 so that i could take the kids to school. i barely remember doing that but they are not here and i'm alone at home so i'm assuming that the trip was successful. that can't be healthy. spending 1.5 hrs on the road but without recollection of it.

i'm glad my throat isn't sore. just a lot of phlegm. i think i just wanted to be able to type that word. phlegm. phlegm. phelgm. mmmm yummy phlegm. PHLEGM. i think i'm in love with this word. phlegm. did i just say that? my head is spinning and i keep on staring at the screen wondering if this is making any sense. up until the phlegm part i think it did anyway. phlegm (i just wanted to type that word again). it looks funny now. i just 'dictionary.com-ed' it cuz it suddenly doesn't even look like a word. did i spell it right? indeed i did.

phlegm ( P ) Pronunciation Key (flm)
n.
Thick, sticky, stringy mucus secreted by the mucous membrane of the respiratory tract, as during a cold or other respiratory infection.

i'm babbling. phlegm. off for a nap.

buttercup

Saturday, January 01, 2005

so begins 2005....

i'm sick. slightly sore throat, slight cough, slight runny nose. nothing serious but just making me a bit tired and craving a hot bath and just some rest. not a bad thing after this hectic holiday.

i recently met June who sells yarn.

she recommended this yarn


so i started knitting this scarf


it's actually turning out well but very slow. i must be sick cuz i keep on missing stitches and dropping this or that and then i end up frogging. maybe it's time for a nap.

i really love the christmas season. our family always has a big thing on christmas and then on new years. time for us to see the relatives we only see once or twice a year. (the only other time we all get together is when uncle wally comes to town). anyway, at some point in the history of our family, someone decided they had to make themselves appear taller than the others he was standing beside by standing on his tiptoes while posing for family portraits. along with that came other mischievious actions that would somehow make the picture funnier. so, with that started a strange tradition where no family picture goes without someone trying to out-tall everyone else or tickle the person in front of them or messing the hair of the person in front just before the shutter clicked.. some of us even have photographic proof (sadly, not digital) that even our aunts and uncles, mums and dads, have particpated in all of this. i sometimes think i should look at these pictures as a nice family portrait.. but instead i almost always look for the "funny thing" that lurks in the picture... but in the end i always end up smiling and even sometimes laughing out loud at all the fun and laughter we had while the we take the pics. i guess that should really be the point of the family portraits, right?

and btw, sama is the tallest of all of us. i'm so proud of that.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

pb

Happy New Year!!

happy new year everybody!!! (ok.. perhaps to only the 3 of you who read this)...

test!

This hopefully will make a pic of my bike appear. :)




pb :)

Oprah

i'm not sure i would want everyone in the world to watch Oprah but i def. think watching it would be of great benefit to some people i know ... when i started watching it way back when, i remember thinking that it was entertaining but not really much more entertaining than any other show... ... but now when i watch it, i find that everyday i seem to walk away wishing some of my friends would watch it too. i think some people out there could really learn from it. it's always so enlightening.

yesterday's show was about etiquette advice - ask the expert. (this really has no relevance to the paragraph above) So she had a panel of experts on answering all sorts of questions from, what to wear when visiting the gynecologist to the brazilian wax. it was a little refreshing to see that other women wonder socks on or socks off when in the stirrups ... in any case, if you're wondering, the consensus was socks on, shoes off. who wants to put their bare feet in those things anyway.. you don't know who's feet were there ... and does a brazilian wax really make one more free? do i need to be more free?? on a scale of 1-10 giving birth is a 10. they said a brazilian wax is about an 8.5. wow.. that's a lot of voluntary pain.

i may have to particpate in that one day just to say i've done it,... but not today... or anytime in my near future.

i stared writing this blog a month ago and now, i have no idea where i was going with it... so i'm just going to post this as is. one less unfinished thing on my list.

pb