Thursday, February 24, 2005

You'll never shine if you don't glow

"According to most studies, people's Number One Fear is Public Speaking.
Number Two Fear is death. Death is Number Two!!!
Now, this means, to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy!!"
- Jerry Seinfeld monologue, episode 61 of Seinfeld.

This is me... total fear at the thought of public speaking.

I've got two kids.. one looks like me more and the other behaves like me more (i really don't know who is more cursed)... so it did come as a bit of a surprise to me when skye (the one who behaves like me) continually won (came 1st or 2nd) her school's public speaking contest. each year, she writes and presents her speech first in front of her class, then in front of her school and last year, even went on the the next level competing with many other schools in the region - each time placing first or second.

i distinctly recall sitting in the audience and feeling so scared ... i had a death grip on the cards she no longer needed and i read them over like it was i who had to stand up there, my palms sweaty, my heart racing, my knees weak. she was thoroughly grossed out when my cold clammy hands reached over to comfort her. she really didn't need me there.. she was calm, collected and couldn't wait to go up there to blow everyone away. that she did,... each and every time. i was soooo impressed.

i recently enrolled in a motorcycle instructor training course. yes.. to become an motorcycle instructor. i, along with a few other instructors, will have to teach a class room of people how to ride a motorcycle. this is the beginning of a series of things that i will do to help me conquer this terrible fear. a few weeks ago, our class was asked to learn some lessons that would prepare us to present to a group of students in the spring. i was so nervous about having to stand in front of anyone to practice the lesson presentations. the night before i couldn't sleep, i felt nauseous, and had thought up a gajillion excuses to tell the instructor as to why i did so badly.

see the sad thing is, the material i am supposed to teach is pretty much written out for me. the ideas and lessons are already prepared, my job is to teach it, not to write it. the other thing is that my audience will be filled with willing participants. generally, no one is forced to learn to ride a bike, they do it willingly, clinging to your every word because it is something they want to learn. how hard could that be?? it's not like they would even know if you forgot to say something or explained something incorrectly... AND the course is designed with a lot of safety nets in case you do forget to mention something while presenting the lesson.

that same week skye was given the task of writing a speech for this year. she ran around the house in a panic, not knowing what subject she would write about knowing the deadline was a few short days away. I'm not sure why, but that triggered in me the memory of the panic that had set in for her last year when her speech was assigned and the year before and the year prior to that. from that, i remembered all those times she stood in front of her peers, parents and teachers and just astonished everyone with not only her words, but with her poise and confidence.

the following week, i went to my class ... equipped with the inspiration and motiviation skye unknowingly gave me. i did better job presenting my material with the knowledge that skye effortlessly stands in front of 5-10 times as many people and presents something that she writes herself to an audience, who are the most critical because they are asked to choose the best ones and also forced to listen to speech after speech after speech. remember that?? in grade school, having to listen to speech after speech, and comparing each one to the next so that you could help to vote for the classmate who went to the next level. now, THAT.. must be really hard to do...

my kids are truly amazing (not just saying that because i'm their mother). they give me strength when i'm feeling defeated ... they make me smile when i'm sad ... and inspire me when i'm feeling stuck. they go through life just doing their thing and in the process have taught me more than they'll ever know. thanks guys, you're the best!

skye, by the way, came 2nd this year in her speech presentation. THAT'S SECOND IN HER SCHOOL!! Had her school been more prudent in signing up for the regional speech competition, she would have made it past her school gym again. Congrats babe! you are truly amazing.


Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Nothing could ever be so wrong

recently, someone who will, for now, remain nameless, proclaimed himself to be my movie buddy (MB)... sometimes even calling ME "movie buddy", to reinforce the fact that my movie passes are to be shared with him and him alone. to my chagrin, his jedi mind tricks have been slowly but surely working its way into my head. as much as i don't like admitting it, he has been the first person i've called for the past several movies.

HOWEVER... i can justify this... i'm not that easy ... i've been playing along well and little does he know, i've turned on my feminine wiles to match his jedi mind tricks and have convinced him to buy me pre movie dinner almost every time ... (sometimes there is no time for both dinner and movie) ... so it works out for both of us ... we both love movies, we both love to eat ... now, if only i can use those feminine wiles and get him to buy after movie bubble tea each time, i'd be set. oh.. and the bonus (there's always a bonus) is that he's adorable...

here's the glitch (there's always a glitch too). my choice of movie is always the fluffy light ones that warm your heart and feed your soul - full of romance and laughter and all that good stuff. his choice? blood, guts n gore and shoot 'em up, blow 'em up movies. we agreed, "you pick one, i pick one..."

in the past month, we've seen..

Ocean's 12 (this one was a neutral choice - MB chose a movie with lots of eye candy so i readily agreed.)

Hide and Seek (MB's choice)

In Good Company (My choice)

Open Water (dish movie - but don't see this... it sucked - this was actually MB's choice that i agreed on)

Hitch (my choice but MB didn't make it on time. Skye, my brother and i loved it - so this one actually doesn't count)

The Grudge (dvd - skye/MB's choice)

Constantine (Skye/MB's choice - ok by me b/c KR is in it - he was hot, but now, not so much)

(rental - MB's choice - i didn't want to see it, but loved it in the end)

now having typed this out, i think i'm getting scammed. i'm going to have to reevaluate this "you pick one, i pick one" method of choosing. i'm have to be more assertive with my movie choices...

All around the world statues crumble for me

you know how sometimes when you are slightly distracted and your head is in a daze and you can't seem to wrap your head around anything long enough to commit it to a blog? ... i've been like that lately. a good daze.. but a daze nonetheless. i will update soon.

and... i'd like to add i got 3 goals last night.. and they decided not to keep stats!!! ggrrr....


Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Nobody tells you where to go...

i read about slowpoke's ankle injury yesterday and subconsciously i must have been so jealous, i went out and got my own foot injury...

I'd love to be able to glamourize it by saying it was a hockey injury but it wasn't. in my haste to drive sama to her bf's house i jumped onto the landing that leads to my garage in the dark and half my foot ended up on an ill placed pair of shoes.

my foot stung for a few seconds but as any wanna-be athlete would do, i thought.. walk it off, go play ball hockey. so that's what i did. it didn't really bother me till i got home and had stopped walking on it for a little while.

this morning, it was really sore... but right now, it's not so bad. it'll be better in 3 days.. everything always is.


Friday, February 11, 2005

So what's wrong with taking the back streets

i'd like to say that i'm taking a break from reviewing some notes but who would i be kidding.. most of you who know me know that i just don't work that way. i haven't picked up any notes all day. i was just about to, when i thought of something to blog about.. so here i am once again...

this morning.. while deliberating about whether to do some work or some review for my course, i got a msg from a far away friend ... i asked "whatcha been up to??" ... he replied by hooking me up to his webcam. there he was in the middle of namba, japan late at night, next to a closed internet cafe, borrowing a wireless connection from a coffee house nearby. he stood there shivering, with his camera propped up on his handlebars, his laptop at the other end of his bike, while showing me the guy who was selling s3x, a group of people standing across the street and all the shops nearby... i even sent him a text message to his phone and he showed me his phone ringing.. :) that was just so very cool. thx b.


oh no, i've said too much, i haven't said enough

skye has a PA day today. she's at home sleeping. i got to work early today thinking - half day.. get in early, get more work done. i don't feel like working. the sun is shining and beckoning. thank god for half days.

can someone explain these stats to me? i think i'm happy just to get a mention in the commentary cuz the stats don't really mean anything to me. i think my goal from here on in is just to get on the player of the week list. who cares about stats anyway??

all i have to say about the stats is thank goodness for occasional players.. at first glance they make me look like not so bad of a player...

i took some pics of bh last week but they were dark and i haven't had time to edit.

i know why i'm no longer in school. i hate studying. i remember that now.. ugh. maybe i'll study a while instead of getting some work done. someone told me that he gets an adrenoline rush when he is studying. i must have gotten in the wrong line when God was passing out the link to adrenoline and studying.

getting back to work.. for real this time.


Thursday, February 10, 2005

Mouth is alive with juices like wine


see that martini glass at the end of the table beside the purple bag of chips.. mmmmm chocolate martini's ... snowdog, i'll take one of those when you cook me dinner...

oh.. wait.. wasn't i allergic to that?? grrrr...

i also had the bottle of coke beside the far moosehead... and my water seems to have disappeared...


Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Nothing changes on New Year's day

Happy New Year!!!

I treasure more and more the times our families get together. When we were younger our lives were driven by what our parents did. When they wanted us all to go for dinner, we'd all go. Now as we all live separate lives, often one or two people cannot make it and surprisingly i feel a little sad that they are not there. This year, everyone made it. I was so happy to see Vince and Jo for Chinese New Year dinner. It's not as if i don't see them often enough, but it's just nice to see them and to catch up. Congee and i discussed this briefly when he bought me lunch the other day and we came to the conclusion that it's all about seating position. Our family is pretty big and even though we are all at dinner together it dosen't necessarily mean we catch up or talk to everyone... so the other night i sat across from and talked to vince and jo :) i'm glad they are back from their extended trip and i'm happy that jo is feeling better.

I love Chinese New Year. my kids always try to convince me that it warrants a day off school and i always contemplate if it warrants a day off work... in the end, nothing changes on new year's day ... i think this is the first year we didn't make it to a Chinese restaurant though. The irony in it all is that a couple of my other friends, also chose not to eat Chinese for CNY too. ... and coincidentally, we all ate Japanese food. Is Japanese food the new Chinese food?? LOL.. all the Japanese places are owned and run by Chinese anyway in this neck of the woods...



Monday, February 07, 2005

She said you're like a disease without any cure

this was fun... we should have all posted when were we drunk.. wait.. i wasn't drunk.. congee99, why didn't we all blog at thesnowdog's.

did you guys see the fog on saturday night? crazy. i didn't enjoy driving in that at all.

sama's bf seems nice. cute. polite. smart. (smart from what i can tell in the couple hours i spent with him). sama says he's smart. she's so cute now. def. happier. all smiley.

chris sang to me the other night. i was going to ask him to anyway based on a bet he lost ... but he did it anyway without me asking ... i love it when people sing to me.. not that anyone ever does it.. but i love it. laid was my favourite, chris, in case you are inclined to do it again.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Coming in fast, over me

a couple days ago, sama called me from school with a dilemma. she wanted to skip class to go downtown to meet some friends. she wasn't sure if she should bother asking cuz she could just sign herself out. she's 16. i know she can't sign herself out till she's 18 (yes, sama, i do know that much). she told me that she wanted to skip periods 4 and 5. i hmmm'ed and ummmm'ed for a few seconds and then the beautiful sunshine caught the corner of my eye. i looked over my shoulder out my window and thought - i wish i were outside - and in a moment of weakness, said "sure, what time will you be home". what was i thinking?


And if our way should falter...

i love my parents. they have always been amazing. i have always believed that i truly appreciated them and all that they've done for us. my mom has been a stay at home mommy for as long as i know. she tells us of a time when she worked .. but i don't remember that at all. my dad was the best. he worked hard and for many hours every day but still tried to keep his weekends free for us till we no longer wanted to do things with him.

so here i am today.. a single mom with two really great kids. people often ask me if it's hard to raise kids on my own and i can honestly say that, relatively speaking, i was blessed with two lovely children that have been easy to love and raise. yes, it's trying sometimes and i don't always know or even think i'm doing a good job but in hindsight, i'd like to think that they are well balanced, smart, fun, social kids.

there are moments as a parent that you look forward to and unfortunately moments that you dread. i've had two of those dreadful moments in the past few weeks. the anticipation of them was probably worse and i was comforted a few days ago when my manager, who is so confident and never seems to be phased by anything, told me he was dreading those two moments as well.. they are still years away for him and he's already preparing for them.

sama told me a couple days ago that she has a boyfriend. it wasn't so much a surprise, i guess, i've been teasing her about it for weeks. she's been messaging a lot with a guy friend and hey.. she's beautiful, smart, funny .. what guy wouldn't be interested in her?

i don't think it's so bad that she has a boyfriend but i think in the end my stress is about how i've raised her. i hope i've equipped with all the things necessary to choose friends as well as boyfriends well and make good choices in life. as a single parent i'm never too sure about that - i don't have someone to bounce things off of and nor any close friends who have paved the "teenager" road ahead of me and to discuss those situations with. most of the time, i just fly by the seat of my pants and hope for the best. so far, i really like all her friends and so far, from what i've learned about her boyfriend, he seems to be someone that will inspire and motivate her. what more can i ask for?

so tonight i have invited sama's new boyfriend over. she is very nervous about it as is he. last night i joked about it with her hoping it would relieve some of the tension. this will hardly be the moment of truth and in a few years will probably not be too significant in the whole scheme of things ... but right now, i too am a little nervous about this ....