Wednesday, February 02, 2005

And if our way should falter...

i love my parents. they have always been amazing. i have always believed that i truly appreciated them and all that they've done for us. my mom has been a stay at home mommy for as long as i know. she tells us of a time when she worked .. but i don't remember that at all. my dad was the best. he worked hard and for many hours every day but still tried to keep his weekends free for us till we no longer wanted to do things with him.

so here i am today.. a single mom with two really great kids. people often ask me if it's hard to raise kids on my own and i can honestly say that, relatively speaking, i was blessed with two lovely children that have been easy to love and raise. yes, it's trying sometimes and i don't always know or even think i'm doing a good job but in hindsight, i'd like to think that they are well balanced, smart, fun, social kids.

there are moments as a parent that you look forward to and unfortunately moments that you dread. i've had two of those dreadful moments in the past few weeks. the anticipation of them was probably worse and i was comforted a few days ago when my manager, who is so confident and never seems to be phased by anything, told me he was dreading those two moments as well.. they are still years away for him and he's already preparing for them.

sama told me a couple days ago that she has a boyfriend. it wasn't so much a surprise, i guess, i've been teasing her about it for weeks. she's been messaging a lot with a guy friend and hey.. she's beautiful, smart, funny .. what guy wouldn't be interested in her?

i don't think it's so bad that she has a boyfriend but i think in the end my stress is about how i've raised her. i hope i've equipped with all the things necessary to choose friends as well as boyfriends well and make good choices in life. as a single parent i'm never too sure about that - i don't have someone to bounce things off of and nor any close friends who have paved the "teenager" road ahead of me and to discuss those situations with. most of the time, i just fly by the seat of my pants and hope for the best. so far, i really like all her friends and so far, from what i've learned about her boyfriend, he seems to be someone that will inspire and motivate her. what more can i ask for?

so tonight i have invited sama's new boyfriend over. she is very nervous about it as is he. last night i joked about it with her hoping it would relieve some of the tension. this will hardly be the moment of truth and in a few years will probably not be too significant in the whole scheme of things ... but right now, i too am a little nervous about this ....


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