Friday, December 03, 2004

muse

i'm not sure if it was congee99 or one of his friends that started the "99 things about me" list, but i think everyone should write one. after a couple weeks i find that my brain continues to swim around looking for "things about me"... what did i forget? i love peanut butter. i love chocolate. ok.. lots more, but those seem to be the most important now seeing that it's lunch and i'm craving something sweet.

i've started writing so many different things and nothing seems to fall in the right place so today's posting is just going to be random thoughts so my apologies if this is a little confusing.

sama was up all night last night writing some paper. i got up at 6:30am and she was still plugging away.. "i'm almost done," she said. she also said that at 2:30am when i went to bed and at 3:30am when i asked her before i fell asleep. i had forgotten about those all-nighters.

i've been a mother for more than half my life. that just dawned on me the other day. how many of your friends can say that about themselves? my life has not been about me for a really long time. i don't really miss that, but i do sometimes think about it. what is really "me" and what is just the "mommy" part? i think i sometimes lose sight of the things that separates me from the "mommy". sometimes i ask everyone if they have to pee before we go out!?! it's amazing how many "WTF" looks you can get when you ask that question to adults.

sama just called. she wants to come home cuz her brain is toast. i said ok. she's on her way back now with the promise of never pulling an all nighter again. (yeah.. and i believe her too)

the other day i had dinner with a friend who told me that just the night before she had it out with her kids. her son now hates her daughter, daughter hates her son and they both hate her. my friend always seems so together. great family, great life. it's terrible to say, but it was a little nice to see that i'm not the only one who occasionally has kids that hate their mother. last week as i watched an episode of "desperate housewives" (i know with all the oprah i talk about, it seems like i'm a tv junkie, but i assure you i am not) . anyway in this episode lynette, a mother of 4 uncontrolable kids, had a breakdown because she was feeling inadequate as a mother. it's funny how not everyone talks about the tribulations of being a parent. i talk about it but for the most part, i think that most of the people i know have these hunky dory lives. every parent can always deal with their children without ever wanting to throw them out the window. i guess it's just normal to want others to see your perfect world even when it's not. who wants that baby who cries all night long or who can't be controlled ? ... i was truly blessed with my kids. both were really good babies, good kids, always with amazing report cards and pretty good attitudes. that doesn't mean we haven't had our share of fights/arguements etc... and i assure you there have been many many days where it took everything in my power to keep those windows locked and closed and now that they are teenagers and in a world of their own, we butt heads - very often. i just wanted to say that in case all of you parents think you're alone. i assure you, that you are not. in any case, i just wanted to add, that i couldn't have asked for two sweeter kids. they are truly the best.

oh yeah, one thing i have learned though, is that just like i talk to my friends about home stuff, my kids talk to their friends about home stuff and vice versa. it's amazing what you learn about other people's families that way. how clean they keep their houses, the occasional abuse, or the constant fighting. sometimes i feel way normal when i hear those things.

on oprah yesterday they had a segment on adopting little girls in china. lisa ling had done a report on how girls are constantly abandoned because everyone in China wants a little boy. anyway, by the end of the show i wanted a baby from china. only oprah can make me want to raise another child. oprah just really makes me want to make a difference in the world. to be a little more relentless to try to make a difference even when i don't think i things will change . you don' t know if you don't try. just thought i'd share that.

having said that, i've come across a few situations the past couple of weeks of people i know who are so stuck in their ways they can't wrap their heads around the fact that there is "more". why do people settle? why don't they let themselves achieve more by believing they deserve more? this world we are in is sometimes small, but at the same time filled with opportunity and really really great people. anyway i can rant about this forever so i'm just going to stop now.

update on my ass.
there is a little reddish, greenish, greyish ball imprint on the top of my right cheek - this can easily be hidden so not really a big deal. still a bit tender to push on it but walking, standing, sitting and sleeping is no longer bothersome.

update on my head
bruise is still there. it's kind of just a greyish tinge right behind my right ear. really tender to touch. this didn't seem to hurt as much when i got it, but it's def. hurting more now when i accientally rub against it. at least that island counter is gone.

wow.. great news.. i just got 4 free passes to the bike show. wooo hooooo...

ok.. that's it for now. 22 days till xmas.

d :)

2 comments:

Sama said...

YOU CALLED THIS ENTRY MUSE
cool.

Madman said...

:)